Ed
8 min read

Finding You. Identity and Purpose beginner's guide

We often wander in and out of shallow lives without meaning. Introspection shines clarity on what we are looking for

If you're feeling lost, without purpose, or shallow because of a lack of identity and clarity on what to do in life.

Without a clear idea of your own identity, it's hard to find what's worthy to pursue in your life, and how to achieve it.

Chapter 1 - Why you should care about introspection

Imagine being stuck in a job that makes you count the days left for the weekend to save you. You thought that school was like a prison, yet you found an even worse one. Your health, relationships, and half of your day vanish 5 days a week. You're struggling to change career with your side hustle because of it.

Compare this nightmare to your average "gifted kid". He knew by age 10 what he was going to do for 12 years straight. He made more achievements at age 16 than you could ever make at age 20. He still smiles after 10 hours of hard work, because it was just play for him.

You don't need to be gifted or young to understand what to do in your life, but you have to develop the skill to do it.

Life is like an enormous forest with countless paths. Introspection it's your map. It highlights which path is best for you while avoiding your worst nightmares.

It's needed so you don't get lost to achieve goals faster as a result.

The term "introspection" has been around for at least 2 millennia and one of its popular backers is Socrates, who states:

The unexamined life is not worth living

He was being sentenced for corrupting the youth making them question everything in their lives, so he had to choose between exile and death.

He chose death.

Most people won't have to make decisions like this, but aren't we betraying ourselves without thinking about our own identity?

Here's a simple but complete definition of introspection:

Introspection is the examination of one's own conscious thoughts and feelings

You can use it while leveraging your identity to understand:

  • what you want = vision
  • why you want it = purpose
  • how to achieve it = mission

It's a very versatile way of thinking, or mental model. You can apply it in different scenarios like design, content creation, psychology, and much more.

Here, we'll focus on applying it to make sense of ourselves.

  1. Gives you more fulfillment and a positive mindset in life

    You'll find clues on how to pick the best path to achieve your goals while avoiding the shallow and optimizing fulfillment.

    You'll build your future while being happy in the present with a long-lasting smile every day.

  2. Enhances reasoning when making important choices (vocation, partner, health, etc)

    Emotions won't control you as much because you'll discern when you're being a baby or just the best version of yourself.

    You'll discover ways to accept your past regrets and avoid future ones.

It's not a tactic, you won't have direct solutions, you'll have a way to create solutions yourself.

Chapter 2 - Applying Introspection in our life using values

Introspection is a very broad topic, we won't cover everything but we'll cover the first steps.

You should start by understanding your identity and the reasons behind your actions and desires. These define your purpose.

Understanding why you may or may not want something is great for validating and creating a vision. It allows you to focus on meaningful goals.

For this chapter, we'll discuss values and conclude with practical tips and actionable steps.

Think about the healthiest person you know. Would he accept some junk food on a Sunday night? the answer is probably a big "No". He would look at you strangely, and both of you might laugh as if it were a silly joke.

If you're consistent with physical exercise, learn about health every day, and talk about it with friends, why would you go against yourself?

A big part of your identity is based on where you allocate focus.

If a lifelong student had to choose between falling into an interesting rabbit hole and watching a movie, he would choose the first option without hesitation.

He focuses more on learning rather than entertainment. This will slowly condition his mind to think that learning is a priority and part of his identity.

He doesn't think too much about it, it's almost automatic. There are no doubts about his decision, and regret is not even an option.

Your values validate and filter decisions without using much brainpower.

It's not a list of "what you like", it's a personal leaderboard you make about what you want to focus on first.

Guidelines on how the leaderboard should look:

  • You may use any terms like career, studies, spirituality, health, etc. Their definition should be subjective. For example, health might be specifically mental health or both physical and mental
  • Even the length of the leaderboard should be subjective, but I suggest to list 3 items at least

Example of such a leaderboard:

  1. Freedom - most stuff is meaningless to you without the freedom of location, time, finances, etc
  2. Growth - being stagnant is one of your nightmares. You always need to learn or obtain outcomes on something
  3. Family - you love your friends and your partner, but your biological family always comes first

There are tradeoffs you need to take into account when choosing something over the other as first, second, third place, etc.

Behaviors to expect from this kind of person:

  • Doubts any of his goals if they won't help him with his freedom
  • Stays home instead of going to parties if he doesn't make progress on something
  • Avoids or limits family trips or interactions before having done his work
  • He makes sure to preserve Sundays to have a great time with his family

Values are unconscious to most people, but being aware of them is essential when changing identity.

You need to change your identity to become the kind of person who can realistically achieve a specific outcome.

When you think about pursuing something, think of your values: What's the best thing to do that would align most with my priorities? Answer this question a dozen times, and it's still going to be useful. That's the kind of question that conscious people ask themself daily, if not more.

When working on a goal, there are distractions that might put us off track. We periodically review our values to coordinate our thoughts with our actions.

An individual who values his own biological family doesn't just say that family is important. He acts on it daily and puts more focus on thinking about it compared to things less important than this value.

Comparing what you think you should do and what you actually do makes you aware of the problems, inconsistencies, and internal conflicts in your mind. You can't solve a problem without knowing what is it.

You'll be more likely to ignore the shallow things you mindlessly do because you relate and identify more with your goals, they feel authentic.

  1. Make a list of values that you would like to have in the present
  2. Write another list of values based on what you actually do in your day. Look at yourself as if you were in third person, without emotions involved, and be as objective as possible
  3. Compare the lists and introduce changes in your routine, habits, and goals. Work on becoming the person that would relate most to the first list. Align your goals, focus, actions, and identity to your values, your priorities in your life

Make sure to gain valuable feedback from the changes you make. To really know if you're making progress or not.

Periodically adapt your changes based on feedback. Your identity and values mutate over time, so you should make this practice weekly.

Don't stop hunting your most important thing. If it changes, it's expected, keep searching.

Sadly, I can't write about other topics without making this too long, so I'll quickly discuss other ways to grow in the domain of introspection.

Chapter 3 - What to do next

There are many other ways to go deeper, but here are my recommendations:

  1. Principles

    Other mental models that you personally make from being inspired by others, to navigate life more easily.

  2. Belief systems

    philosophy, religion, and spirituality. Learning from the best individuals that has been alive in the past is more important than you think.

  3. Understanding your past

    Deciphering the patterns that brought negative and positive outcomes in your past to exploit them in the present.

Search for direction but don't lose yourself doing so.

Forget the other parts and you'll look like a house without foundations: the better you'll get, the harder you'll fall, soon.

The 4 pillars not to forget about:

  • Health
  • Wealth
  • Relationships
  • Fulfillment - But I like to call it "Introspection"

Many writers seem miles away from their readers, but I'm in the same boat as you, young and still learning.

If you need some clarification or just want to have a chat, contact me where you prefer. The website it's a work in progress, so you'll likely fall into some "404 This page could not be found.", but the pages on the navigation bar are working fine :P.

Embrace the kid in yourself, be curious, and ask more whys.

I wish you a great day, bring that smile wherever you go.

from Ed.